“Swinging” Thru Chicago

We departed Iowa after a delicious breakfast prepared lovingly by Judy and headed towards Chicago. We entered Minnesota (a place none of us thought we’d ever see) which conjured up memories of the Walsh twins and Brenda’s epic return to Minnesota for college. Thank god she transferred back to Beverly Hills, Minnesota was boring as sh*t. A pass through Wisconsin (the CHEESE state, which made BB gag) and we arrived in Chicago. Jihan was departing us here to get home and back to work on Monday (i.e. attend the Beyonce concert) and we exchanged hugs and kisses at the airport. After 2 weeks in the car, Jihan bounded into the airport elated and dreaming of “Single Ladies.” Adieu Jihan, you are sorely missed.

We arrived in Chicago where we met our host, Molly, who was gracious enough to take in 3 strangers because we were friends of Melissa. (We assume Melissa left out a few choice details about us and that’s why she agreed to it). The four of us went downtown in search of Chicago’s infamous deep dish pizza at Gino’s. A few beers and almost two heavenly slices later, we returned to Molly’s apartment early to crash for our fun-filled tourist day on Monday.

For our own version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (BB’s Day Off), we hit all of the hotspots: the Sears Tower, Millennium Park and the Chicago River. BB was intent on seeing the “Married with Children fountain” so we combated the heat to hit up the Buckingham Fountain before to walking to Chicago’s premiere art museum, the Art Institute of Chicago. (Or as our tour guide BB called it, “The Art Institute of Art” – not quite BB). We held hands with a field trip and starred at the little girl in Seurat’s A Sunday on La Grande Jatte before heading towards the beachfront on Lake Michigan….the only thing missing was a red sports car…sigh.

As we walked down Michigan Avenue, admiring the shops and boutiques, BB commented that she hadn’t seen an “H2O” store in a long time and that their “graffiti soap” was the best. Cragin inquired as to how it worked, did you write on the walls of the bathtub and somehow it created bubbles? After looking confused and working it out slowly in her head, BB realized that she had meant to say “confetti” rather than “graffiti” once again forcing Cragin to be resentful of BB’s superior GMAT score….how the hell did that happen?

That evening we emerged freshly showered and headed towards the John Handcock building for a quick drink on the 96th floor during sunset before grabbing some dinner and having a quiet night. While Cragin was photographing the sunset next to some tables she got into a conversation with two gentlemen from Ohio who offered to by us all some drinks. After looking at the menu and realizing a cocktail was $14, we grabbed some chairs and joined them. The “gentlemen” were Paul and Nick from Canton, Ohio. Paul was an obese and slightly bigoted metal and plastics distributor who BB mistook for Santa Claus when she sat on his lap and asked for a pony. Nick was his son, a baby-faced 19 year old who sought love advise from Jen and Cragin (boy did he knock on the wrong door), and who proceeded to spit his dip into BB’s empty Bud Lite bottle. Paul explained his issue with having a teenage daughter dating older men, but not before he asked if he could “speak plainly?” “Sure!” We answered. “I don’t want them swinging their d*cks at her!” he said. And the night quickly went downhill. After 4-5 Dewars Paul informed us that “swearing is part of his accent” and we spent the next 3 hours swapping wildly inappropriate stories in front of his practically pre-pubescent and inordinately drunk child. After we had had our fill we thanked Paul for his moral undermining and stumbled off to a dinner we don’t remember and to crash in beds we think were ours. Cheers Chicago!