All Hail the Pig Palace

ALL HAIL THE PIG PALACE
Today we started out in Arkansas. It only counts if you say it like R-KAN-SAS, not AR-Kan-SAW. We headed towards Oklahoma but not without stopping to get gas at Arkansas’ premiere truck stop, the Pig Palace where we learned the delicate difference between how Southern men and Northern men pick women up. While in DC, a 300+ pound drunk black man expressed his enjoyment of Jen’s derriere with a subtle “OHHH…I GUNNA BEAT YO ASS MAMA. MMHHMMMM…..” In Arkansas, a soft spoken toothless cowboy did the 100 yard dash to get the door for BB and Jihan at Pig Palace, delightfully proclaiming “You havea great day Darlin’” In Arkansas we smiled, in DC we started running.

Next stop was Oklahoma City where we hit up the Blues Festival which was exactly what one would picture a blues festival in OKC to be. One particular highlight was the set of bikers in leather vests (in 99 degree weather) wielding a hyper-masculine Papa Smurf tattoo on his arm. It’s unclear whether or not his motivation was to look tougher or molest three year olds. We had a more serious moment when we visited the site of the OKC terrorist attack, now a monument and museum documenting that April day in 1995.

Back in the car we had a long haul to Amarillo and decided to bide the time playing some trivia games where we discovered that Jihan has very specific knowledge of movies and television, mostly reserved to very bad TV of late 1980’s. In an effort to prove this fact, please see some documented examples below:

•Question Jihan got right: Name the newsmagazine show that launched Maury Povich’s career:
o Answer: “A Current Affair” (no judgement for those who did not know this)

•Question Jihan got wrong: Name the lead actor in My Cousin Vinny:
o Correct answer: Joe Pesci
o Jihan’s answer: Joe Piscopo (Feel free to pass judgement on Jihan)

After our trivia game we continued our trek though Tornado Alley and while in Texas were rendered immobile by a 3 ½ minute storm of pouring rain and hail. While sitting on the side of the road channeling Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton in Twister, we watched the funnel clouds across the plains. Luckily blue skies were coming at us and we drove to Amarillo with no more problems other than the fact that Jihan thought the “black guy in Lethal Weapon” was Wesley Snipes.

Amarillo proved to be the chain restaurant capitol of the world housing more transfat than The Biggest Loser. Within 3 miles of highway we saw: Denny’s, Wendy’s, McDonalds, Arby’s, Taco Bell, Chipotle, Starbucks, On the Border, Cracker Barrel, Outback, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Burger King, Sonic and more…..Tempting but our meal was already planned and was to be epic. (Post to follow…)


Additional rules for BB:
•No attempting to speak Spanish despite having taken 10 years of it
•No attempting to speak Street after unfortunate instances of saying “Fo Sho” and “Holler”

Sightings:
•The largest cross so far, over 10 stories high
•A third confederate flag (atop a passing motorcyclist’s helmet)